Just a Couple of Jackasses
by Kat RoadKill
Summary: hardy Boyz, Shannon Moore, Jackass cross over. I dont really know what to say, give it a shot....please.
1. Just a Couple of Jackasses

_**Just a Couple of Jackasses  
**_

_**A/N: Alrighty, this sort of just came to me the other day and I thought what they hell.**_

_**I hope you guys will enjoy this figment of my Imagi-Nation.**_

_**A big thanks to Tina and Mariana! **_

* * *

"Whoa watch it you butt nugget." He said as a taller man bumped into him.

"S'cuse me?" The southern man retorted.

"I said watch-it-you-butt-nugget." The smaller man replied slowly as he looked into the man's chocolaty brown eyes with his icy blues.

"Look Im not stupid, I know what you said. Now would you just get out of my way? I got things to do."

"What if I don't want to get out of your way." He narrowed his eyes.

"Then I'll have to move your little ass." The bigger man picked the small one up and set him aside.

"You- You cant do that to me. Do you know who I am?" The small man asked. "I am Bam Margera and nobody does that to me. "He said triumphantly.

"Well Mr. Margera, I am Matt Hardy and I am very sorry to inform you but I just did. If you have any problems with that please tell me know so we can fix them." The bigger man calmly stated.

"Get out, No way! You're Matt Hardy, Like the wrestler?!" Bam asked shocked.

"Yeah, that's me."

"Whoa did some one just say Matt Hardy?! Where is he?! Lemme get his 'graph!" They both turned around to the sound of Chris Pontius's voice behind them. He came running down the side walk and hugged Matt. Matt's eyes widened with horror.

"I just got hugged by a man in thongs…." He said.

"What's wrong with me in thongs? It's the whole Party Boy thing." Chris smiled and laughed. "Hey lets party." He said as he began to dance around Matt. Matt looked helplessly over at Bam who just shrugged his shoulders and smiled.

"What can I say? He likes to party." He picked up his bags and headed to the bus with the Jackass Logo on the side and climbed in only to run back out screaming with flour all over his face.

"FUCK!! FUCK YOU RYAN!!" He yelled as he almost fell off the last step. "Fucking asshole. "He mumbled, shaking the flour from his curly hair. Meanwhile Chris and Matt had begun talking.

"So is it like cool being a wrestler?"

"Yes its pretty neat." Matt smiled.

"Cool, you think you could show me some moves?" Chris asked.

"Well no not out here, its too dangerous. I wouldn't wanna crack your skull on the floor or something."

Chris laughed.

"Come on you ass face we gotta get going." Bam yelled. Chris tuned to Matt and hugged him again.

"Thanks for partying with me man." He said as he turned to walk to the bus. Bam was on the phone and it appeared that he was getting angry. Matt sighed and picked up his bags and headed to his car. When he got there he was surprised to find a man sitting on the roof of his car.

"What are you doing sitting on my car?" Matt asked cautiously, he was a little afraid to hear the answer that would come from this guy's mouth. He hurriedly put his free hand in the air. "Actually don't tell me, I don't want to know, just get off."

"Well fine if you want to be like that. Cant give a damn homeless a fuckin' dollar man." The man mumbled and scratched his messy hair. His jeans were ripped and his shirt was dirty, not to mention the man reeked of sweat and piss."

"Well if a dollar was what you wanted why didn't you say something?" Matt dug around in his pockets for a dollar but came up with a five. He was handing it over to the man when-

"Hey Ryan get your dumb ass over here." Chris yelled.

Matt was stupefied. He couldn't believe he was that ignorant. He couldn't believe he had just been tricked by Ryan Dunn. He sighed and unlocked his car and set his bags in the back. He noticed a large stain on the seat that hadn't been there before. He felt his face turn red. He was angry. That son of a bitch had pissed in the back seat of his car. He decided it was best if he didn't say anything and just went home and got it cleaned up. He opened the windows and started the car. He was pulling out of the mall parking lot when Ryan ran into the middle of the street and flagged him down.

"Listen Man Im so sorry about pissing in your car. I'll pay to get it cleaned if you want.." Ryan offered. "But listen we got some problems, do you know of a place where we can film our stunts and stuff, they kinda kicked us off the premises."

Matt was thinking. Why should he tell these assholes anything? Then again it would be fun to see them fuck themselves up. Besides they would keep Jeff and Shannon out of his hair for a while. He smirked.

"Ok follow me. I'll let ya'll film it on my property, I got one hundred and two acres of land, just don't burn anything ok?" Matt raised an eye brow and pointed a finger into Ryan's chest. For the duration of the ride home, Matt wrestled with his conscience. Maybe he shouldn't have brought them back to his place, something bad was bound to happen. He knew it wouldn't be pretty. He sighed as he thought of all the destruction these guys could cause. They arrived in the heavily wooded forest where Matt lived. Matt looked out his rear few mirror and could already see Bam hanging out of the big bus's window and hooting like a monkey. Matt rolled his eyes and wiggled his nose at the nasty stench coming from the back seat. What the hell did I get myself into? He thought himself. They pulled up in his drive way and all the guys piled out, they stretched their legs and looked around quietly.

Steve O stood behind Johnny. "There aren't any alligators here are there?" He asked quietly. Matt shook his head.

"Nope no alligators around this part at least." He smiled. Steve O loosened up a bit and began to joke around with Wee Man. Johnny began to fan himself, beads of seat began to pour down his neck.

"Jeez why the fuck does it have to be so damn hot?" He asked. Matt ignored him and made his way into the house.

"Well that real nice, he walked into the house and leaves us standing here. What are we supposed to do?" Bam asked. He was getting irritated with the heat.

"I got an idea." Chris laughed." Lets Party." He took off his clothes and began to dance. A few minutes later he sat down. "Fuck that, its too hot to party." He pouted and sat on a log. A few minutes later Matt reappeared carrying Lucas( his little dog.) Chris let out a low whistle.

"I pictured you as more of a pit bull, not a rat." He giggled, it soon turned into him laughing hysterically. Matt scowled at him.

"Don't take about my baby like that." Matt said as he made kissy lips at Lucas.

They could hear motors far in the distance and people hollering and laughing. Over the hill came two riders on dirt bikes, one slightly smaller than the other. They were doing all sorts of eccentric jumps and maneuvers.

"Whhhhoah….That is kick as." Steve O gaped.

"That?" Matt pointed at the riders. "That's not kick ass, that's just my brother Jeff and our friend Shannon. They do that kind of stuff all the time."

Jeff and Shannon Rode there bikes up to the crowd and sprayed the hard sand all over every one. Jeff took off his bandanna and shook out his bright blue hair and wiped his fore head. Shannon took his shirt off and wiped himself off.

"What are they doing here?" Shannon asked.

"Well they wanna film some stuff for there show I guess." Matt said.

"Wait a minute," Jeff paused. "You're the Jackass guys aren't you?!" He smiled.

"Jeez finally some one recognizes us." They all complained.

"Oh shut up ya'll I remembered who ya'll was." Jeff laughed. "So how about we al do some stunts?" Johnny motioned for the camera men to start rolling. "So what do ya'll say? Two of you against me and Shan?" Jeff wiggled his eye brows. Bam looked over at Johnny and they nodded at each other.

"We'll do it." Bam stated. "You got bikes for us?"

"Yeah over there in the shed, just be careful of snakes on your way over there. "Shannon laughed.

"Yeah and gimme one minute to get ready for this thingy." Jeff ran away into the house. Bam and Johnny emerged covered in dust pushing two dirt bikes. Shannon began to laugh hysterically. Pretty soon he had Chris laughing too. Shannon and Chris leaned on each other for support as they laughed.

"Whats so funny you dick heads?" Bam spat at the two of them.

"Haha…Oh you should see your face!" Shannon said through fits of laughter. "You've got like a cobweb mustache and a dust beard!"

"I do not." Bam murmured as he tried to wipe of the mess discreetly. Chris began to laugh even harder as Jeff appeared from around the corner in his Itchweed costume.

"Oh what the fuck?" Bam asked and turned to Shannon. " You don't have one of those too do you?"

"Me? Hell no." Shannon giggled.

"Alright mutha fuckas, we gonna jump through dat flaming loop right there, come around here and do a flip, then under that flaming bridge, turn sharply, go over it, up around there, hit dat jump and then fall into dat big pine tree over there." Jeff said in his Itchweed voice.

Every body lined up at the "starting line" which was a line that was drawn in the sand by Steve O with Wee Man's head. Matt was their "Gun Firing Guy" and told them when to go. The other Asses where cheering and Matt found himself cheering right along side them. Some of the Asses were even cheering for Jeff and Shannon, who were winning by the way. Johnny was having a little bit of trouble maneuvering the turns but Bam was doing just fine. Jeff was showing off. Matt hated Jeff would show off for people. He assumed that if he was good at it why not show it. All of a sudden the guys were booing so he quickly brought his attention back to the race track. The booing quickly turned into laughter. Johnny had fallen off at the loop and had landed in a pile of dog poop. His face was pretty much covered in the brown sludgy feces.

"Its not funny!" He began to yell. "I think I got some in my mouth." Every body started laughing harder. Bam noticed and got side tracked and ran right into one of Jeff's giant aluminum sculptures. He knocked his nuts right on the pole and began to howl with pain.

"OW OW OW!! My nuts My nuts!! I think they cracked in half!!" He cried. Matt hadn't realized but he was laughing really hard also. He realized he was beginning to like these guys. Jeff and Shannon won the race and only escaped with a few bruises and scratches between the two of them. They walked over to the guys laughing.

"Damn Bam, you got any nuts left?" Jeff teased.

"It doesn't feel like it. It also feels like I am missing some hair." He replied, touching the charred ends of his hair.

"Ewww poo face!!" Steve O began to chant, pointing at Johnny.

"Will you just shut up about it already? Its over ok?"

"Aww is Johnny Poopsville upset?" Chris teased.

"No Im fucking A pissed."

"You know what this calls for?" Chris asked with his eye brows raised. It grew silent " Oh come on you guys! Some one has to know." It was still silent.

"Uhm lemme guess….Is it time to Party?" Jeff asked, a little unsure of himself.

"Finally!" Chris yelled and began to dance around Jeff. Jeff smiled and followed along with it. Every body began to laugh.

" Hi I am Johnny Knoxville, this is Matt Hardy, That was the Final Ride and that was the nastiest thing I have ever done." Johnny smiled and waved at the camera, he licked his lips a little then threw up all over Matt.

"Dude that was sick." Matt said and shut the camera off.

"Well what did you expect? I just licked feces off my lips."

* * *

_**Well I hope you guys enjoyed it, Hopefully it wasn't too bad.  
**_


	2. Part Boys?

_**Just a Couple of Jackasses-Chapter 2. Matt Hardy and Chris -Pontius Party Boys?**_

_**A/N: This is the second part of the series. I hope you all enjoyed the first part and hope you will like the second one.**_

_**It is mostly Matt and Chris.**_

_**Have fun.**_

_**And thanks to Tina and Mariana.**_

* * *

"So what do ya wanna do?" Chris slapped Matt on the arm. They had been sitting on the patio for the duration of the morning trying to figure out what to do. The sun was hot and it was even 100 something degrees in the shade standing still soaking wet. It was getting to be unbearable.

"I dunno what do you wanna do." Matt replied after taking a drink of his now lukewarm water.

"I don't know you tell me."

"I don't know. Make something up." Matt said.

"No I asked you first so you have to tell me." Chris giggled.

"Well I dont know. No matter what we do we are gonna get sunburned and don't you even say lets party because that is not happening."

Chris pouted. "But I even have a pair of G Strings for you to wear ad a special bow tie that goes with it." He gave Matt sad eyes.

"No that is out of the question, I refuse to wear nothing but a G String and a bow tie."

"But its cool. Come on, It'll be fun." Chris smiled.

"No Chris. No. Im not parading around in nothing but a damn G String."

"I don't parade. I dance." Chris smiled again.

"Well Im not "dancing" in a damn G String if that's what you wanna call it."

Matt got up and left Chris sitting on the hot patio by himself. He sat there for a while trying to figure out something to do. He twiddled his thumbs, he bit his nails, he cleaned the bottom of his shoes, but still no ideas. He couldn't ask any of the guys to do anything with him because they were all busy. Bam was hanging out with the guys, Johnny was learning from Jeff how to fix a car and Ryan was hanging out with Shannon, supposedly learning how to do some stupid dirt bike trick. _They are probably all fags._ He thought to himself. He decided he would take a little walk around the area just to look around. He got up quickly and started at a brisk pace but was stopped by Matt.

"What are you gonna do Chris?" He asked. It seemed as though his mood had cooled down a little.

"I was going to take a walk."

"Wanna go to the mall?"

"The mall? Can I wear my Party boy out fit pretty please?" He begged. Matt rolled his eyes.

"Fine." He said through clenched teeth.

"Cool I'll go get my stuff." Chris ran to the bus and came back out quickly, holding a G String and a tie.

"Where do you plan on changing?" Matt asked. Afraid of the answer.

"At the mall duh." Chris laughed. They had a nice ride to the mall. They talked a lot. Matt noticed that Chris really was a different person when he wasn't with the other guys. He was more down to earth and was a vegetarian. Matt had to give him credit for that, he knew he wouldn't be able to do that. They laughed a lot along the way. They talked about funny memories and sad memories. Matt began to think that he could actually be friends with this guy.

"You know I like wrestling." Chris said out of nowhere.

"Oh do you?" Matt asked.

"Yeah. I always like Roddy Piper. Then when he retired or what ever they call it I started to like Umaga. I think he's my favorite."

Matt's jaw dropped. "Are you serious? I thought I would be your favorite." Matt smiled as he leaned over and punched Chris.

"You're too much of an ass. Umaga is just big, fat and funny. I wonder if I could get him to party with me… Oh my god he would look so funny in thongs!!" Chris began to muse on how he could get Umaga to party with him. Among the ideas was drugging him and putting him in the G String and Tie and when he woke up annoy him until he partied with them. Matt laughed at all the ideas Chris came up with but suggested they just hit Umaga on the head with a club, tie him to the roof of the car and scare him shitless till he partied with them.

They arrived at the mall and Matt parked. Chris began to laugh.

"What? What is so funny?" Matt asked. Chris was out of the car before he even finished his sentence. He had ran to a bush and began to dance while taking his shirt off. He tossed his shirt at an elderly couple and shouted something about it being a fortune in a few years. He began to unzip his pants slowly while dancing. One he had them off he also tossed them. This time he tossed it at a young man. The man gave him a disgusted look and yelled for Chris to get some clothes on. Matt saw Chris duck behind the bush a little and get back up. He emerged from behind the bush in his thongs and bow tie. Matt couldn't help but laugh. He was laughing so hard he thought he might bust his ribs. Chris began to dance up to people and ask if they wanted to party with him. He kept pestering who ever walked past him until the security guards showed up and tried to boot him off the property. That's when Matt got out of the car and explained to the guard how Chris was mental. All the while Chris protested on how he wasn't mental but simply wanted some one to party with. The guard just shook his head and insisted that they get off the premises.

"Dude that guy was a total ass." Chris said re adjusting his tie.

"Tell me about."

"You should try and party. They would probably like you better. I mean being as you are a native here and all the girls will drool all over your body." Chris began to laugh. He had said the last line sarcastically.

Matt arched an eyebrow. " Are you trying to get me in nothing but a G String?"

Chris laughed. "Yeah pretty much. Come on dude its not that bad. Not to mention the breeze feels pretty good." He said as he reached down to scratch his balls. Matt rolled his eyes.

"Alright you talked me into it. But one thing." He pointed a finger right into Chris's nose." None of the guys will ever know about this ok? Deal?"

Chris giggled. "Deal." He smiled.

"I really hope you have another pair of them thong things. I sure as hell ain't wearing one that's been in your ass."

Chris rummaged around in a back pack that Matt hadn't even seen him bring with him and produced a pair of black and blue striped G Strings and bunny ears. He decided the colors were ok but wasn't too sure about the rabbit ears.

"Why do I have to be a rabbit? I thought I was gonna wear a tie too." Matt asked.

"I don't know. Cause Im wearing the bow tie?"

"Fine, but I am not changing behind a bush." Matt stated firmly.

"Come on dude. Just do it." Chris urged. Matt took a large swallow and opened his car door and stepped out, only to step back in really quickly.

"No No I cant do it." Matt said nervously.

"Alright fine then change in the car you pussy."

"Well turn around and quit staring at me you perv." Matt said. Chris sighed and covered his eyes with his hands. Matt began to change and Chris took a little peek through his finger.

"Hey I saw that." Matt said. He continued to change thinking what the hell, its not the first time other guys have seen him naked. _But the other guys weren't as perverted as this one. _He thought after that. He slipped into the thongs and nudged Chris's shoulder to let him know that he was ready.

"All right, you don't look half bad in a thong bro." Chris smiled. "Lets get to partying!"

Matt grumbled and slowly stepped out of the car in nothing but his socks, shoes and a borrowed thong. He felt awkward. Jeff should have came, not him. Now here he was standing in front of the glass doors of the mall dancing wildly with Chris Pontius. Oddly enough, it felt good to be free. It felt good to be able to do as he pleased. He was enjoying the gross remarks from passer bys and he was laughing at all there disgusted faces. He felt like a different person. He and Chris laughed hard as the joined hands and danced around an elderly lady. The look on her face was priceless. There was no way he would ever forget that face.

The smile fell slowly from Matt's face as he saw his baby brothers truck pull up into the parking lot.

"What? What's wrong" Chris asked out of breath.

"I think my brother is here." Matt mumbled. " Oh lord." He said as he was tackled full force by Jeff and Ryan.

"Get off me you fat ass!" Matt yelled as he slapped one of the two guys. He could hear Chris laughing. Matt felt skin brush his arm and realized that Chris was humping his arm. " ew uhgh Get off me you fag!" Matt hollered.

Chris looked down." Now that wasn't very nice Mr. Hardy." He giggled and ran off. Matt gave one hard shove and sent both Ryan and Jeff flying into the glass windows of the mall.

"Shit Fuck! I think I got a piece of glass stuck in my ass!!" Ryan cried.

"Hahaha that rhymed." Chris laughed ad clapped his hands. "Look what you did you dumbfucks." He pointed to the completely shattered portion on a shops window. Jeff's eyes widened.

"You mean we broke that?"

"Ohh yeah." Ryan managed to say.

"That was fun, lets do it again." Jeff giggled and he tossed Chris into the other window. Chris crawled out with glass stuck to his ass. He laughed.

"That was fun, lets never do that again." Chris said. Jeff was the only one that could laugh so he did, and hard.

"Alright ass hole help a brother up." Matt reached a hand for Jeff and he helped him up. Jeff went and helped all the other guys up but shoved Ryan down into a bush and began to laugh.

"Eww Dude, Chris, why are your clothes over here?" Ryan asked, a little disgusted.

"I was having promiscuous unprotected sex." He laughed. Ryan mumbled something about how sick that was, hoping he didn't have any bodily fluids from Chris on him, and got up, brushing all the leaves and glass of the seat of his jeans. A security guard came from around the corner. All the guys scrambled for the cars and sped off done the road.

"Dude I'm so glad I got all that on camera. That shit was gnarly dude." Chris laughed while he and Matt drove home.

"You did?" Matt turned to Chris. "How?"

"See that thing right there?" Chris pointed behind the rearview mirror at the tiny video camera. " I rigged it on here a few nights ago." He smiled proudly.

"That's pretty cool. But why did you do it to my car?"

"I didn't only do it to your car, I did it to your brothers car too. If that makes you feel any better." He smiled softly.

Matt laughed.

"What's so funny?"

"Nothing." Matt said between giggles.

"Ohh I see." Chris blushed. He hadn't realized his thong ripped and he was wearing pretty much nothing. He had been for quite some time now. "When were you planning on telling me."

"I wasn't, I just couldn't stop laughing."

"Oh well." Chris sighed. The rest of the ride home was quite. They didn't talk much.

"So did you have fun?" Chris asked, breaking the silence.

"You know I actually had a great time." Matt said. He meant it, he had actually had fun. It was out of the ordinary. It felt good to do something he wasn't accustomed to. He smiled to him self a little. They pulled into the drive way and were greeted by every one.

"When is dinner?" Steve O complained, rubbing his small stomach. If you could cal it that.

"Yeah man Im fucking starving." Bam commented.

"Well get off your bruised asses and go get some pizza then!" Matt shouted.

"You know, that's a pretty good idea why didn't we think of that?" Preston said as he produced a small cell phone out of his pocket and began punching in numbers with a pudgy finger.

"Cause you're fat." Bam said, throwing his muddy shoe at Johnny.

"Don't put anchovies on it!!" Ryan yelled.

"Don't give me ideas." Preston said with a smirk.

* * *

**Did ya like it?**


	3. Swamp Boogie

_**Chapter 3. Jeff Hardy and Ryan Dunn -The Human Rainbow.**_

_**A/N: Once again I hope you all enjoy this bit.**_

_**A big thanks and lots of hugs to Tina and Mariana!**_

_**Love Ya!**_

* * *

It was another sweltering hot day in Cameron North Carolina. Ryan was getting aggravated. He was never one to like the intense heat. His blonde hair hung in damp curls and clung to his neck. He kept swatting flies away from his face. His jersey clung to his skin and his pants stuck to his legs. Sweat dripped slowly and annoyingly down the bridge of his nose. He shook his head spastically and a swarm of flies came from his head in a big could. There was absolutely no way to cool down. Everything in the cooler had melted hours ago and it wasn't even midday yet. He looked around at all his friends. Steve O was trying to drink cow urine, Bam was lying out in the sun, tanning he presumed. Preston was stuffing his face, Jeff was under his truck, Matt was probably in the kitchen, and Shannon had gone home. He sighed a little and made the one biggest mistake he probably made all day, closed his eyes.

He was awoken with a start as a heavy body was thrown on top of him. The body reeked of urine. He looked up to see the Rainbow Haired Warrior sprawled on top of him. Wee Man and Shannon had water guns, which he assumed were filled with urine and were spraying the hell out of him. He shoved Jeff off and sent him flying into Shannon and Wee Man who got pinned beneath Jeff's weight. They began to scream frantically about how heavy Jeff was and to "Get him the fuck off of me!" Ryan got up and walked away. He didn't really want to hear any noises. He was hot and groggy. He walked into the bus. It wasn't much cooler in there. He heard strange noises coming from the bunks. He took his sunglasses off slowly and set them on the table by the door. He walked cautiously to the bunks and looked at the bunks. One of them was shut. He assumed this one was the one the noises were coming from. He took a deep breath and opened the curtain only to see Knoxville masturbating.

"Dude what the fuck?! Shut the damn curtain you ass hole!" Johnny yelled. Ryan backed up laughing to himself a little.

"Oh man I gotta tell the guys!" He began to laugh as he jogged out of the bus. He ran right into Jeff.

"Hey man, whatcha doin?" Jeff asked in his country boy accent.

"Dude, Oh man, I just saw Johnny masturbating!" Ryan spilled. " He looked so fuckin funny dude! Oh my god Im scarred for life!!" He covered his eyes quickly.

"Are you serious man?! Where?" Jeff asked.

"In the bunks dude! Wanna come see?"

"I know this sounds weird but hell yeah lets go bro." Jeff nudged Ryan's arm and they tiptoed up the steps of the Jackass bus. Ryan pressed a finger to his lips and Jeff nodded his head. They began to giggle softly. As they neared the bunk they got quieter. Ryan ripped the curtain open to once again expose Johnny. Jeff doubled over he was laughing so hard. He and Ryan tackled Johnny and began to tickle him.

"Get off me your perverts!" Johnny screamed in between fits of laughter.

"No you're the perv, you should have at least locked yourself in the bathroom or something Bro." Ryan said as he got off Johnny and brushed himself off." I'd rather have Dave shitting all over the place than to see you playing with your peepee."

"Yeah he is right Johnny, that is pretty nasty man." Jeff giggled.

"Oh shut up you faggots. You guys liked it." Johnny said wiping the sweat from his brows.

"Pfft, you only want us to like it." Jeff smirked. He grabbed Ryan by the arm and pulled him out of the bus. "Eww I think you got a little sperm on your arm." Jeff wrinkled up his nose and wiped his hand on Ryan's shirt.

"That's sick man." Ryan commented and pulled his jersey over his head, tossing it aside onto Bam's face.

"So what are you gonna do man?" Ryan turned to Jeff.

"I dunno," He shrugged." I think I am gonna go paint maybe. Wanna come?"

Ryan had nothing better to do so he decided painting with Jeff would be a hell of a lot funnier than sitting in the heat by himself. He shrugged his shoulders and followed Jeff into the woods. After what seemed like hours to Ryan they made it into a small clearing in the woods. Jeff smiled and pulled out and easel from behind a large tree and smirked at Ryan. Ryan swallowed hard. What the hell could he possibly have in mind for me? He thought. He watched as Jeff went behind another tree and began to bring cans of paint from behind the tree. He brought out all sorts of colors. Pinks, blues, purples, and greens, any color you could think of he probably had laid out before Ryan. Ryan's eyes bean to widen. Oh my god Im going to be a human rainbow. Ryan thought to himself.

"Come here and take off everything but your underwear." Jeff said firmly. Ryan did as he was told and stood there as Jeff began to open paint cans and mix them around with a stick. He had a paint brush in his teeth. His hair was tied back into a rainbow bun, but he kept having to brush strands of it back, getting more and more paint in it each time he did so. He stood up and smiled at Ryan.

"Ok here's the deal Ryan. Im gonna paint you like a rainbow. You got it?" Jeff said. Ryan nodded his head slowly. He was actually glad nothing was going to be shoved up his ass for once. Jeff began by dipping his brush in the orange paint and splattering paint all over Ryan's face. It wasn't really what he was expecting. He was thinking more along the lines of what they had done to Preston when they painted him black for the Beauty and the Beast stunt. He didn't mind the paint being splattered all over him, the paint was actually cool when it hit his skin. He wondered how long it would take him to get all the paint off of him and out off his hair. A lot of the paint was already caked on him, it had dried within two minutes due to the intense heat. Jeff laughed as he splashed paint all over Ryan. He made sure he used every color at least once. The end result was far from a rainbow. It was more like a rainbow that Steve O had swallowed and thrown up. Jeff laughed and ran for Ryan, tackling him to the floor. Jeff stood up smiling. He had done what he wanted to do. 1. Knock Ryan down 2. Get some of the paint on himself. 3. Hopefully get some leaves up Ryan's ass, just to contradict what he had said earlier.

"Haha here man lemme help you up bro." Jeff smiled and took Ryan's arm. He helped him up and giggled. " Lets go show they guys." Ryan helped Jeff put everything back behind the trees and they began to walk back home. This time the walk didn't seem so long.

"So where do you get all these crazy ideas for you art work?" Chris asked as he looked all around him at the various art work Jeff had created. "What ever you smoke I want some of that shit man." Chris said softly laughing to himself.

"Well my ideas come from my head, where did yuthink they came from? My balls?" Jeff asked." And s for what I smoke? Two plots of land over, best shit growing right there." Jeff said pointing to the east. "Don't tell any body I told you thought, that shit fucks you up." They emerged from the woods and into the clearing where Matt's house and the Jackass bus stood out like sore thumbs.

"I don't think there is any one here." Ryan grumbled.

"Naw, they are here alright. See, Matty's truck is still right there in the driveway." Jeff pointed to the green truck.

"Oh so they are trying to trick us into something aren't they?" Ryan mumbled. Jeff nodded his head in agreement.

"Alright, on my count of three, we make a run for the house ok? 1,2,3 RUN!" Jeff shouted as he and Ryan began to sprint to the house. They were getting closer, Jeff could see Ryan out of the corner of his eye. All of a sudden he heard a sharp scream come form Ryan. He stopped in his tracks and turned around. Ryan was hanging upside down from a tree by a steel bear trap around his ankle.

"Ow Ow get me down! You fucking Muther Fuckers!" Ryan began to shout. All the guys came out of the bus and began to laugh.

"Oh my god its like a Human Rainbow or something!" Bam said as he pointed at Ryan. "That is so fucking cool."

"Ok Ok it looks cool now get me the fuck down!" Ryan screamed. Jeff began to try and undo the bear trap.

"You gotta be still man." Jeff tried to calm Ryan.

"How can I be fucking still if this fucking bear trap is biting the fuck out of my fucking ankle?!"

Chris came and began to help Jeff pull the trap off. Chris showed Jeff how to work them so in case it ever happened again, which he was sure it would, he would know how to do it. Ryan fell to the floor with a THUD.

"Dude you look like Rainbow poop." Steve O commented.

"Oh shut the fuck up, Ass Face." Ryan retorted.

"Oh you guys! I got an idea!" Johnny looked around triumphantly. "How about we make Ryan "the Human Rainbow"?" He said in a super hero voice.

"That was my idea." Bam said. "I called him that first."

"Yeah but you didn't say how we were going to do it." Johnny snapped. "Alright here is how its gonna go. We, well Ryan is going to swing of the rope over that stinky smelly swamp water that is full of god knows what. Got it?" He arched his eyebrow at Ryan.

"Is this payback for earlier?" He asked in a small voice.

"Oh it might be." Johnny responded while cleaning his sunglasses with the hem of his shirt.

They all walked to the back woods where the nasty swampy water lay stagnant, save for the swarm of flies hovering above the moss covered surface. Ryan elt him self get sick to his stomach.

"Hey Steve O, I dare you to drink a cup of that water." Jeff said.

" A cup of that water? Aw are you serious?" Steve O whined. Jeff nodded and pulled a dirty shot glass from his pocket. He leaned over to get a glass full of it and was pushed in by Bam.

"Dude you are so stupid." Bam laughed as he walked away. Jeff giggled and climbed out of the water and handed Steve O the glass of warm green liquid. He plugged his nose and took the shot as quickly as possible and threw up into the water. The guys began to laugh again. Steve O was notorious for throwing up. As they neared the tree Ryan was supposed to jump from, Ryan could feel his legs getting weak and shaky. He didn't know what was in the water, nor did he want to know. He swallowed hard and took a deep breath as they stopped at a big old tree with a rope hanging from the top.

The camera turned to Ryan. "Hey Im Ryan Dunn and this is the Human Rainbow." He said a little shakily.

"See he is gonna go over this swampy water just like a rainbow." Johnny smiled. "Isn't that neat? Pretty creative huh? Oh and this wouldn't have been possible without our bro Jeff Hardy." Johnny pulled Jeff into the camera more and attempted to throw up the Hardy guns but somehow messed it up. Jeff giggled about that. The camera turned back to Ryan Climbing the big tree in nothing but his underwear. He got to the top and saluted his friends at the bottom, let out a wild Tarzan yell and jumped from the tree. He screamed as he fell into the murky green water. A lot if the paint came off, making the water a mess of colors. He hurriedly swan to the shore and stood up. Moss clung to his skin and hung from his hair.

"Ew, You have moss all over and it fucking stinks!" Steve O said before throwing up all over Ryan.

"Great, that's really nice, just fucking fruity." Ryan said grumpily. He began to laugh though as Jeff began to pick the moss off himself also.

"Look its like the swamp monsters or something!" Bam yelled "What are they called?" He asked scratching his curly hair.

"How the fuck are we supposed to know? Do we look like nerds to you?" Jeff asked.

"Anyways, That was the Human Rainbow, I am Ryan Dunn, I failed miserably and this is my swampy mate, Jeff Hardy." He smiled and tackled Jeff into the swampy water.

"I think they are gay for each other." Bam commented.

* * *

_**Hope you guys enjoyed it.  
**_


	4. Extreme Roof Top Wrestling

_** Chapter 4. Shannon Moore and Bam Margera Extreme Roof Top Wrestling.**_

_**A/N: Well first I need to thank Tina and Mariana for being so confidant in me. Thanks to Tina for helping me out. **_

_**And second, please enjoy.**_

* * *

"So is that a mole or a wart?" Shannon asked poking Bam's face. Bam swatted his hand away from his face.

"Are you retarded or did your mom smoke crack when she was pregnant? What does it look like butt breath?" Bam snapped.

"I kinda looks like a piece of ass." Shannon laughed.

"Well its not." Bam got up and walked away, leaving Shannon on the porch steps by himself. Shannon smiled. He couldn't help but to wonder what the hell that thing was on Bam's face. It didn't take long for Wee Man and Preston to come around the corner.

"So did you find out what it was?" Wee Man asked. Preston started to giggle.

"Well I found out that it want a piece of ass. If that helps ya'll out any." Shannon smiled and shoved Wee Man into Preston's stomach and giggled. "Ya'll are a funny bunch of crack heads." Shannon said, getting up and walking over to the coolers.

"Uhm I wouldn't do that if I were you." Wee Man warned.

Shannon turned around." Why? Its not like some one is in there and gonna spray me with piss, you're standing right there." Shannon laughed and made a move for the cooler.

"Don't say I didn't warn you." Wee Man said and walked away. Preston giggled.

"What so funny?" Shannon asked as he opened the cooler. A hiss came from the cooler and Shannon jumped back. "What the fuck is that?"

"What the fuck is what?" Preston asked.

"That, That thing in the cooler, I aint never seen a muthafucker that big! That fuckin rat is huge! And fat and nasty and smelly." Shannon said, backing away from the cooler.

"Dude watch it." Bam said, shoving Shannon. That made Shannon mad for some reason. He normally didn't mind being shoved out of the way, he was used to it. He smiled to himself and opened the cooler slowly and pulled out the sewer rat. It was nasty and it did smell. It was all the better to get back at Bam with. He waited until Bam had his back to him. He was talking to Johnny about some new idea he had gotten in the middle of a nap and was talking about it excitedly. Johnny didn't look so happy about it. Shannon walked up behind Bam quietly. Johnny noticed what Shannon was up too and smiled at him. He snuck behind Bam quietly and stuck the rat inside his shirt. Bam began to scream and scratch his back, trying to find the thing that was in his shirt. Johnny and Shannon had doubled over laughing. All the laughter and yelling had caused every one else to come and see what was happening. Bam felt ashamed of himself. Everybody was laughing at him. He was feeling worse than he had when flying a kite out of his ass using butt beads. He threw the rat out of his shirt and walked away, red in the face and the whole crew laughing at him. He quickened his pace and walked deeper into the woods. He heard footsteps behind him.

"Hey man, you alright?" Shannon asked, a little concerned.

"What do you care?" Bam said harshly.

"Man come one. Are we cool?" Shannon asked and offered his hand. Bam looked at Shannon's hand, then at his face, just to be sure this want a trick. He took a deep breath and prepared for the worst. He gripped Shannon's hand tightly and shook it. A smile spread across Shannon's face. Bam put on a sheepish grin.

"I guess I shouldn't have been such an asshole to you earlier." Bam said as he ran his fingers through his dirty hair.

"Yeah, you should try and lighten up. I mean its not only funny when things happen to other people. I would have thought you were used to that by now." Shannon said, sitting down on a log.

"Yeah I know. I just hate being messed with really." Bam sat down by Shannon and picked up a twig. He began to twirl it between his fingers. All of a sudden Shannon heard "Wings of a Butterfly".

"What the hell is that?" Shannon asked.

"Uhm a ringtone?" Bam said with an eyebrow arched.

"You call that shit music?" Shannon asked skeptically. "Man this is music." He searched his phone for a few seconds and began to play Rob Zombie's "American Witch". Bam arched an eyebrow.

"Ok, you're weird." He said laughing as he grabbed Shannon into a headlock.

"You don't wanna wrestle with me." Shannon said sternly," That's one thing I can beat your ass at." He grinned.

"Give it a shot then." Bam tempted, holding up both his fists. "you're a wimp anyhow." He grinned.

"Me? Me the wimp?" Shannon asked with his eyebrows raised." I wasn't the one that got all butt hurt about everyone laughing at him you wimp."

"I wasn't butt hurt-" Bam began and then shook the idea off his tongue." Never mind lets wrestle."

"Naw it wouldn't be fair, you don't know shit about wrestling. I'll teach you a little first and then we can wrestle." Shannon smiled at Bam. "Follow me." He said as he walked to the home made Ring the Hardy's had had since childhood. They climbed into the ring and Shannon immediately speared Bam right in the gut. He fell on his back and grabbed his gut.

"Aww man that hurt so bad. What ever that was don't ever fucking do that again." Bam panted. Shannon smiled and offered Bam his hand. He pulled Bam up to his feet.

"Alright, now Im gonna show you the sleeper hold."

"But you didn't even show me that move you just did, you just did it to me." Bam said.

"Ok well it was called a spear, there now you know what it is." Shannon smiled proudly. "Anyways on to the sleeper hold." Shannon grabbed Bma fro mteh back and began to choke him. He could feel Bam slowly slippping so he let go.

"Ok your turn." Shannon said. Bam got behind him and copied the move exactly as Shannon had done.

"Come one squeeze you pussy!" Shannon said.

"Im trying!" Bam complained. "I cant do it, its fucking hurting my arms."

"It sure don't feel like it." Shannon said as he slipped out of it.

"Shut up you ass."

"Ok lets try something else maybe then huh? Lets see, clothesline. Im sure you could do it. Well as long as your arm don't break in half." Shannon said, a small smile spreading across his lips. Shannon grabbed Bam's arm and Irish whipped him into the ropes and he bounced right back at Shannon, where he was met with Shannon's arm across his chest. He fell to the floor breathless and grabbing his chest. Shannon hovered over him. " Hey get up man. It wasn't even that hard." Shannon giggled. Bam glared at him and stood up.

"Is it my turn now?" He asked.

"It sure is." Shannon said. Bam grabbed Shannon by the arm and attempted to Irish whip him into the corner. Bam couldn't get Shannon to budge. Bam tried again and Shannon remained in place.

"Aren't you supposed to go with the flow?" Bam asked. He was getting aggravated.

"I guess I could for your pussy ass." Shannon laughed. Bam tried again and this time Shannon let himself be thrown into the ropes and he allowed Bam's arm to connect with his chest. Bam howled and fell onto the mat.

"AW my fuckin arm!" He whined.

"What did I tell you? I knew you were gonna break your fuckin arm trying to wrestle me. See we haven't even really wrestled and you're already crying."

"Im not crying!" Bam yelled. "Im whining." He mumbled.

"Ok that's enough for you." Shannon said." Lets head back home." He helped Bam up and they began to walk to the house and the bus. Bam kept a tight hold on his ribcage and held onto the sore arm with his free arm. Shannon shook his head and lead the way through the woods.

"Hey how does roof top wrestling sound?" Bam asked out of nowhere.

"Dude, you cant even wrestle in a ring, let alone a roof." Shannon smirked.

They emerged from the woods and saw Matt and Chris roasting marshmallows and laughing about something stupid. To the left where Jeff, Ryan, Ehren and Wee Man all panting a portion of a huge wall Jeff had built for no reason at all.

"Its about time you two fags came back." Chris laughed that stupid laugh of his and punched Matt on the shoulder.

"Why are you fags roasting marshmallows at two o clock in the after noon?" Bam asked, snatching the marshmallow Matt was about to eat.

"He ate my marshmallow." Matt said, his eyes widened.

"He ate your marshmallow." Chris said back to him, wide eyed.

"I ate your marshmallow." Bam said. "What are you gonna do about it?" He said licking the sticky goo off his fingers.

"Wrestle you." Matt simply stated.

"Correction. Im wrestling Shannon." Bam said

"Ahh I knew you guys were butt buddies!!" Chris yelled.

"Hey you guys how does roof top wrestling sound? Me and Shannon were discussing it on our way back."

"Were you now?" Ehren asked. "Can you even wrestle?"

"I-Well- Yeah I can wrestle." Bam said smiling proudly.

"Ok well then to the rooftop!" Shannon said.

All the guys trooped to the back of Matt's house where he kept a ladder. Matt set up the ladder and one by one all the guys climbed up to Matt's roof. Everybody found a place to sit, making sure to leave a pretty large open square for Bam and Shannon to wrestle in. The guys began to place bets on who they thought would win. Ironically everyone bet that Shannon would win.

"Ok since we don't have a bell can I be the bell?" Chris asked. Nobody objected. "Ding Ding Ding!" Chris yelled.

Bam tried to remember how to give a clothes line and grabbed Shannon's arm. Instead of hitting him on the chest, he had hit him right in the eye. Shannon doubled over holding his eye. Bam tried to think off all the wrestling moves he had ever seen. One stuck out in his mind. What was it called? Some sort of dog food was all he remembered. He shrugged his shoulders and went for it. He tucked Shannon's head between his legs and pulled both of his arms to his back quickly. He felt Shannon move a little and before he realized what had happened he was flying through he air. He landed face first on the hard shingles of Matt's roof. He got up and could feel the road rash all down the left side of his face. Bits of gravel and twigs stuck to his cheek. He picked out a twig and tossed it at Ryan. Bam looked across the roof at Shannon, who in turn was staring back at him. They both charged each other and Shannon knocked him down. The cold concrete hit Bam's back pretty hard but still he got up. He was pretty near the edge of the roof but didn't realize it. Shannon came for him again but this time he got smart and ducked. Shannon teetered over the edge but regained his balance. Bam began to laugh, proud that he hadn't been knocked down. Shannon turned to him and gave him a spear so hard it sent both of them toppling of the two story roof. The other guys gathered at the roof's edge to see what had happened. They looked down to see Bam sprawled, face first on the lush green lawn and a few yards away, Shannon facing the sky.

"Dude I think they're dead." Ryan said, taking off his sunglasses and sticking them in his shirt pocket.

"Me too." Matt said in a concerned tone and hurried down the ladder. "Hey you guys better come down here." Matt yelled up at the guys.

"Are they dead?" Wee Man asked as he got down.

"I don't think so but I do think we need to get them in the house." Matt said. Matt, Chris and Wee Man carried Shannon and Jeff, Ryan and Ehren carried Bam.

"Why do we get the fat guy?" Jeff and Ryan complained.

"Just shut up and take him in." Wee Man said, struggling to carry Shannon's torso. They finally got them in the house and settled on the couches with ice packs and blankets.

"I hope they aren't dead." Jeff said. Bam and Shannon both began to stir a little.

"Damn it I thought we finally got rid of those two." Chris joked.

"Pffft you're telling me?" Matt rolled hid eyes." Try growing up with Jeff and Shannon tagging along."

"Ehh yeah I can see that." Chris made himself look like he was dreaming and then made his eyes widen "Ew no I don't want to see that." He laughed. He and Matt laughed.

"A beer?" Matt asked.

"A beer would be great. I'd love to rot my liver some more, thank you Matt." Chris laughed.

"I'd like a beer." Shannon said groggily from the couch. Everybody started laughing.

* * *

_**Never fear!! This isnt the end! **_


End file.
